The "Friendly Confines" is not "The Point"

While Jumbo continues to refuse medical treatment for what ails him, the remainder of the TD's enormous staff enjoyed an outing at the Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field last evening. We were able to watch the Cubs beatdown of the Brewers and discuss important topics like how many Boca Burgers Prince Fielder eats on a normal day, except for one major distraction. OK, it was more like 6 distractions. 3 couples in the row in front of us spent less time paying attention to the game than the time Bob Howry spent actually in the game.

When did Wrigley Field become the place for couples to go kiss, play with each other's hair, and grabass? The answer: Never. It never has been, nor will it ever be, acceptable to be cavorting at the Friendly Confines. After all, they're the Friendly Confines, not the overly-friendly-borderline-pornographic confines. Look, if you want to do that, go to a movie. Get tickets to Burn After Reading; from the looks of it, you'll need something to do. The best part is that it's dark in a movie theater; no one else will have to watch unless they want to. And more importantly, I will be able to enjoy watching the magic number drop to 4.
Maybe if this was September 2006 it would be a little more understandable, but it's still not acceptable. I go to watch the game; it's hard to do that when I am fearful that your girlfriend or boyfriend's ponytail is going to get in my beer because you keep playing with it. And just because your girlfriend stands up in the middle of an inning to get some more nachos doesn't mean it's open season on grabbing a handful of every part of her you couldn't grab before.
And why is it contagious? Just because you see some guy next to you who looks like he hasn't showered in a week doing something beyond reproach, why do you have to follow suit? Is this some sort of underground contest I don't know about? Are you revolting against your last educational experience (which, obviously, was high school) which told you no PDA? Get a room.

Comment (1)


May 17, 2010 at 10:19 PM


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