True Stories from Wrigley Field

This was just too good not to pass on. An email came across the desk at Towel Drills corporate headquarters the other day relaying this almost too-good-to-be-true story from the April 29th Cubs/Brewers game. But it's legit. For your reading pleasure, here's the fantastic recap of the incident from Section 202, as skillfully told by Rick Thornhill (big thanks to Rick for allowing us to pass this along-it deserved to be heard):

Last night was one of the most ridiculously hilariously awesome nights at Wrigley. As a buddy of mine said, the cold weather just tends to make people a little bit meaner.

So, a bunch of pretty gals from the Waukegan area settle into the seats a few rows in front of us. They are moderately attractive but with a certain Waukegan flair – an even mix of ghetto-ness and red-neck-ness. You know the type. They are loud and drunk and have signs. They badly want to be on TV. One sign is for Len & Bob, and the other is for Fukudome - which actually said Fuk-u-do-us! Not bad. Anyway, they are hammered, loud and blocking everyone’s view of the game with their obnoxious signs.

Let the standard Chicago taunting begin…

“Sit down!” “Put down the fu*kin’ sign!” “Take it off!” “Let ‘em breath!” … This goes on for a very long time, like 3 innings. At this point she is turning around and egging on our entire section. Shaking her ass, waiving the signs, yelling “fuk-u-do-us” … In response, our section begins chanting “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry…” Note to self – It’s all fun and games until the Jerry chant…

And here’s where things took a real turn…

The guy in the row in front of us – yes, the guy who comes to every game with his wife and son. He doesn’t drink, and is always very low-key. In fact, I think putting peanut shells on his ears is the craziest thing he’s ever done at a game! Yes, in the midst of all the drunkeness and name calling.

That guy decides to start waving dollar bills at our friend from Waukegan. Note to self: This is a huge insult. She begins to yell back at him about not being a real Cubs fan and random nonsensical stuff like that. Then he proceeds to up the ante by waving a 5 dollar bill and allegedly calls her a whore. Yes, ALLEGEDLY he shouts the word “WHORE” … and there happens to be a couple of elementary school kids sitting there to hear the whole exchange. (EAR-MUFFS!!)

This makes Waukegan girl furious. She is completely offended. She cannot believe that he would say the word “whore” in front of those kids. Two important things to note here –No one actually heard him call her a whore, and for some reason she doesn’t think anything that happened prior to being called a “whore” was inappropriate. Remarkable.

So… for some reason, possibly the game, the scene starts to settle down for a few minutes. The focus is back on the Cubs and every one is quietly watching. It is at this point that a full plastic cup of beer comes flying through the air and lands all over him...and his Wife!! He is now completely drenched in beer and stunned... and his wife is livid - rightfully so!!! And by livid, I mean she wants to murder the pretty gal from Waukegan! Now there is some serious yelling going on. Waukegan chick is saying stuff like “ha ha looks like I win, ha ha ha, you’re all wet” and his Wife is saying things like “that is not funny! That is NOT funny!!!”

It is 30 degrees outside and she is covered in Old Style!

We are all wide-eyed and nervously laughing. So, the wife goes to get security, security escorts Waukegan gals crew out of the park. She comes back absolutely covered in beer and tells her husband what an idiot he is in front of our whole section. She is not happy. He is still completely stunned by the situation and casually denies that he called the girl a whore. Then (and this might be my favorite part) he goes to sit down to watch the game! His wife reacts by hitting him in the arm and saying “We can’t stay!!! OMG, are you kidding me!??!! We are leaving!!! I can’t believe you! Why are you waiving money at girls! What is wrong with you!!??” his response… silence.

His son is sitting there looking at both his parents fighting and covered in beer. He gets up to leave and they all walk out.

And yes, this is the same section where Mark puked on opening day. Long live section 202.

Go Cubs.

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